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Cultivating a Heart for the Home - Sarah Miller

Dear single sisters:

As an older single lady, it has been on my heart for some time to write to encourage you in cultivating a heart for your home.

I have been blessed to be a stay-at-home daughter for almost thirty years—so I have experience in this field. ☺ I know that I often fail, and am an unhelpful, unjoyful, sullen daughter. There have been many ups and downs through the years. These are some thoughts for my sisters who are daughters that perhaps feel at times like “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence,” or that are having a bad day, one of those days when you can’t do anything right.

Singlehood is not a state to be despised or avoided. It is to be embraced and enjoyed, not a slogged-through biding time until you are a wife. Desiring to be a wife and mother is a good thing—just don’t live in the future or idealize it and neglect the beauty of your life now. We can (and must be) joyful and thankful where we are now. Your knight in shining armor is not going to value you more or know you better than your own family knows you. You will still have the same faults that you have now, after marriage. Use this time to grow in the Lord, to become a mighty woman that the Lord can use how He wants.

Serving, working, using all of our talents for our Lord’s glory … we need to be doing that now. This means that we serve our earthly fathers. If we go off and into the world, how can we expect to have a heart for the home? Sadly, many young ladies are expected to get a job and have an outside career. Then, when they marry, they are to transform into homemakers.

In my reading of the Bible, it seems that women are always to be within the circle of home and family. There is where we are best able to grow and bloom into ladies of God. Women are called to be homemakers, not just when they marry, but in all the time before as well.[1] This is not limiting us, rather, it is giving us a protected space to focus on our serving the Lord. Serving our father by helping him in what he does is glorifying the Lord!

“But it is just _______,” you say …. Just as a woman doing cleaning, cooking, and training children up to the glory of God is a holy mission, so is daughterhood. Don’t settle for the “pottage” that this world has to offer! It is chaff compared to the wealth of a joyful, serving daughter, seeking to do her family well all the days of her life. There is no amount of money that could replace a daughter. We are an extra set of hands for our fathers. Perhaps they are used when Mama can’t be in two places at once. Maybe they help fetch and carry for Daddy. They could be used to help a young, overwhelmed mother, or an elderly couple that needs help. Our fathers can’t do it, but he wants to help, so he sends us—his extra hands.[2]

“You are wasting your life,” some foolish people say. But what price could replace us? Satan has some “good deals” for the world. They take the nutrients out of food and sell them back as “vitamins.” They encourage the wives to leave the home and then get cooks, cleaners, teachers, daycare workers, secretaries, nurses, drivers, and others to replace the wives in the home. They take the daughters out of the house and then get assistant cooks, teacher’s aides, secretaries, nurse’s aides, and others to replace the missing daughters. What a deal! Just like the rest of Satan’s “deals,” you should read the fine print.

Ladies, the place that God has called you to is priceless! Don’t ever let the thought remain that you are wasting your years at home. We are filling a vital position—only we willing daughters can fill it. Then, if the Lord adds the calling of being a wife—praise the Lord! If we remain in our first calling (daughterhood), praise the Lord! He is to be glorified in both.

Working in an office somewhere or teaching someone else’s children … hundreds of others could fill that place. But I cannot replace you, and you cannot replace me, in our place as daughters in the home. We are called to be daughters. Thus let us be, with God’s help, the best daughters we can be! ~