A Keeping Faith
I did not grow up in a christian home. My parents were both alcoholics. I do not remember where I first heard about Jesus, but I know I loved Him and wanted to serve Him.
Since I was 7, my friend's mother used to pick me up on Fridays and Sundays for church. There I learned songs and bibles verses which are still in my heart today. When my parents were fighting, I would lie in my bed praying and vowing I would never be like them. I hated alcohol.
But I grew up and lived a worldly teenage life. I didn't want to forget about the Lord though. I thought myself a christian. I went to church, read my bible, but I didn't live a holy life. Things of the world were very fascinating to me. I listened to music that I shouldn't, read unhealthy books, and dressed immodestly.
Then I met my husband when I was 17, and I was introduced to a dark life of drugs, alcohol and immorality that I didn't know existed. Although I never took any, it was there. I wanted to get out of this life, but I didn't want to leave my boyfriend (now my husband). My conscience didn't give me rest due to my sinful relationship with my boyfriend. But one day, I had to tell him that I chose Jesus above him, and that I can't go on like this.
We later got married. The Lord was very gracious with me. He convicted me about my dress, the headship veiling, and submission. Many times I recommitted my life to God. When our pastor came back from the States, he had a deep talk with me. I then realized that all this time I was serving Him in my own strength. I thought I would enter heaven because of my sincerity, as if I deserved eternal life. I thought I was a good person.
It dawned on me, that I was never born again. Never before did I confessed to the Lord my lost, sinful state, and that I needed to be saved. That night, I went on my knees.
Now I know, that I may enter eternity with Him and because of Him. Because of what HE has done. Because of HIS blood. He has changed my heart and renewed my mind. He has given me peace and rest. I still have failures and struggles. I am not sinless, but I have a hope. A hope to wake up in His likeness. May the Lord keep me, until that glorious day.
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