A Fearless Testimony

I greet you in the wonderful name of the Lord Jesus!
As I write, I am 36 years old, a wife to the man I met and dated since I was 15 years of age and a joyful mother of 5 children; ages 13, 9, 7, 5 and 2. I want to share my testimony with you, how the Lord 'took me out of the miry clay and set my feet on the Rock to stay'.

I grew up with ungodly parents. Both were all day at work, placing responsibilities on my sister and me from an early age. Daily chores at home were expected to be accomplished when they arrived at late noon each day. We grew up in a ordered, well scheduled, disciplined home. Despite my parents absence.

I had many struggles within me from a very early age. I used to be very silly, trying to gain attention through it from classmates, friends and teachers. I used to covet things that belonged to others and even envy others' lives! It made me take things that didn't belong to me from an early age. Of course it never made me happy. It brought more misery and shame upon my life!
When one steals, one also lies! I lied a lot!
Because my parents never knew God, they couldn't instruct me about sin! Which I in any case kept secret. For my conscience told me that stealing and lying is wrong! We hear it so many times. But then we also hear that it's alright at times...

Since I became aware that we are living and that we are all going to die one day, which also was in a young age, I became very afraid of dying! I knew the day would come, but I didn't know how I would die and what afterwards...! That thought tormented me many times! I asked my Mom, but she also felt afraid and unsure about that thought. So she had no answer for me! I just had to continue living with that fear.

My Mom was an alcoholic, and caused much trouble in our home because of her drunkenness. She and my Dad would fight a lot, and above it, I was her target!

Resentment started to build up in me towards my Mother; and when I was a teenager, I treated her with little respect.

When I was 15 years old I got into the wrong group of friends, where I then met my husband.
Though I hated alcoholism, but was drinking myself by now, I was quite excited to get into drugs. So that's what I did then for the next 5 years!

I turned my back towards home as soon as I finished school with 18. I had a unsuccessful suicide attempt on my 18th Birthday..whereof now I am so grateful to God that He didn't let me succeed!

While I still attended High School, I had a friend in school, who would write short letters to me, telling me about Jesus and His love. She would even invite me to her home to sleep over or take me along to some Christian meetings. I would go and would find a peace and a joy there, which I only enjoyed or marveled at for that moment.
Next day, I would return to my sin making no commitment with the Lord the day or evening before.

There was still another close friend throughout my childhood, which now is a dear Sister of mine in Christ, who tried to tell me about Jesus. We always ended up arguing, because of me! I rejected the thought of a loving God!

I prayed at times in distress, but it seemed God didn't hear - he's not for real...!

When I was 20 years old, I returned home! To my parents, who took me in with open arms. Like the Father of the prodigal son! Hallelujah!

Then one evening my friends Mother took me at a Rehabilitation Centre to a gathering. She attended it and invited me to go with her.
A Pastor came and gave a short message from Rev.3:20, "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him.."
That night I wept in bed, saying I'll try this now if it is for real, asking the Lord Jesus into my heart!
I had no idea that the Lord Jesus actually saved me that night! I didn't know about sin or receiving forgiveness of it...I didn't know about salvation...I didn't know about a new life in Christ. I only asked Him to come into my heart to make me happy!
From that night on, I was changed! I wasn't sure how come, but my desire was all of a sudden towards God. Not knowing that there still was a price to be paid!

God lead me back to my husband... not to get back to the things and life he was busy with. But to bring him home to his mother. She had her own business and needed help. So she employed us.

My husband then shortly afterwards met friends in that small isolated town, who also lived there and were already Christians at that time, and still are true believers in Christ even unto this day! Hallelujah!
My husband heard the Good News from them and turned his heart towards God!
He became a changed man! And tried to convince me that this is the Truth! God is real and we are accountable of our own lives towards Him! I loved the change, but I didn't like the cost of it! The new life expected us to turn away completely from what we were busy with...fowl language, worldly music, bad habits, wrong relationships and sin ...! At that moment I didn't know how that would be possible, but through God's grace it was!

We were baptized and got married and by God's grace alone, I kept on growing in faith and doing the will of God! It wasn't easy. There was so much the Lord had to work through with me..so much! Each time it brought me to my knees!
It also brought persecution and rejection from friends and family. It was hard.
Temptations came and went, but I would never walk away from Jesus! If, to whom or whereto otherwise? "Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.."(John6:68)
Back to the life He took me out from? Oh no!

Unfortunately, shortly after our marriage, the cost of following Jesus, was too great for my dear husband and he turned back to the world and it's pleasures, that are but for a season..!

By God's grace we are still together, not planning to separate. My husband allows me to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Though my children get to see both sides of life, they find security in God's way alone; they know the truth and learn to love it.
My eldest commited her life to Christ already. May she(we) endure to the end!

Through Jesus Christ, I received forgiveness of sin, I received salvation and eternal life! No fear of dying anymore! :-) I can live with a clear conscience and experience peace with God! His Word is a light unto my path, His Spirit only reveals the Truth! What more is there to desire?

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